A Zen Look at Dating & Religious Beliefs
As more people flock online, there are companies ever more eager to jump .....
The answer is: Another person's religious beliefs are important to you to the degree they're important to you.
The internet has brought a change to the way people meet friends and form relationships. Whatever your .....
Assuming you're looking for marriage, you need to make a 'must have' and 'can't stand' list. If certain religious beliefs go into either group, pay attention to them, because you won't be happy if they aren't there (or are and shouldn't be) and the relationship won't work in the long run.
Begging the question is what Zen is all about. The koan can mean you're asking a question no one knows the answer to, or that you don't need an answer to, or you know the answer as well as anyone, you just don't know it by reason (which is limited).
In the case of religious beliefs, the emotionally intelligent thing to do is to figure out what you want (work with a coach for clarity; it's worth it) and then experience the person.
Word your religious 'must haves' and 'can't stands' precisely. Do you mean adherence to a certain set of principals as espoused by a certain faith, such as being Methodist, or Buddhist' Do you need someone to agree with every word you say about it'
If you are of Latin descent and are interested in seeking an online relationship with another Latin .....
Or do you believe in certain spiritual principals which could be compatible with various faiths'
Does it matter to you more how the person argues their faith verbally, or how they live it in their daily actions and behaviors' Some people live in a way that's very compatible with certain faiths, though they may not officially belong to any religious organization.
Some religions require only faith; others require certain actions.
Apply your emotional intelligence competencies as you date.
1. ZEN: 'A tree that is unbending is easily broken.' Lao Tzu
EQ COMPETENCY: FLEXIBILITY
Use all your brains. You must feel how you feel around this person (see point number 2) and also think about what it is you're after at the deepest and broadest level so that you can have the flexibility to deal with another imperfect, not entirely predictable human being.
2. ZEN: 'Only the supremely wise and the abysmally ignorant do not change.' Confucius
EQ COMPETENCY: Understanding of people.
You have to allow for the fact that the individual may change. Few people make extreme changes in their core being and basic operating principals, but many of us make changes and adjustments in behaviors and thoughts. Get to know the person well enough so you have a sense of their core.
For example: If the person you're dating has murdered someone, I wouldn't stick around. If they were once an addict, have been in recovery for 20 years, and made sufficient personality changes, give it a guarded go. If they once kicked a dog and still talk about it with remorse, full speed ahead. (For more on this 'how much baggage to accept on the midlife dating flight' read 'Midlife Dating Manual for Women' ( http://tinyurl.com/6ny55 ).
3. ZEN: 'If you are too excited by joy, later you will have to cry.' Tibetan saying.
EQ COMPETENCY: Reality-testing.
Roughly translated this means that it's best to go slow and find a person with a modulated response to you. Don't get so excited you aren't paying attention. Even soul-mates may disagree on how to load the dishwasher. How can you expect exact alignment in the articulation of a religious belief' Therefore, number 4.
4. ZEN: 'We think in generalities but we live in detail.' Alfred North Whitehead
EQ COMPETENCY: Impulse control
Take the time to get to know the person in little and daily ways. Someone can talk one way and act another. They can say they don't believe in abusing animals (or anything else) and still do it. Only time will tell.
5. ZEN: 'Think with the whole body.' Taisen Deshimaru
EQ COMPETENCY: Intuition
Oddly enough, thinking with the whole body is what intuition is about. The quickest and surest way to know whether it's a fit is to use your intuition (gut feeling, instincts). How do you know your gut feeling' From your gut! Your body sends you physiological messages.
Can you completely relax with this person' If so, there is deep trust, the foundation of lasting relationships.
Has your health deteriorated since dating them' If so, and there's no obvious physical cause, move on. Tricky because dating raises stress levels, which affect our immune system, which IS our health. Give it time. There's EUstress and there's DIStress. Know the difference. Work with a certified EQ coach.
6. ZEN: 'We do not want churches because they will teach us to quarrel about God.' Chief Joseph
EQ COMPETENCY: Constructive discontent.
When there are disagreements, figure out what you're really arguing about. If it's just semantics, it's just semantics.
It was in vogue, for instance, in the Renaissance to debate how many angels would fit on the head of a pin. This is hardly likely to play itself out in how the person lives their life. It's an intellectual exercise.
7. ZEN: 'A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes ......