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Ready or Not ...
by Kevin Skinner PhD
www.datingsmarts.com
All right folks, it's time for a wake-up call. Are you ready for a relationship or not' Do you even want to be in a relationship' During the past few years I have been teaching classes for singles. The problem I have observed the most often is people who are dating but aren't prepared for a relationship. The complaints I hear go something like this:
Jill: I've been dating Jack for two months now and finally he tells me that he's not ready for a relationship.
Friend: So what did you say'
Jill: Nothing -- other than tell him that he was a big jerk.
Friend: Oh!
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Jill: I mean, can't guys get a clue' Hello! If you are really not ready for a relationship, don't date me for two months and call me every day only to tell me later that you aren't ready for a relationship! I just don't get guys.
Such dialogues are common. Perhaps you have been on the receiving end of such a relationship or perhaps you have been on the giving end. Whatever be the case, may I give you a suggestion' Look in the mirror and decide if you have what it takes to be in a relationship. Questions you might want to ask yourself would be:
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a) Am I prepared for a long-term relationship' Or do I want to date lots of people' If you know the answer to this question, don't be bashful'tell the people you are dating what you are looking for.
b) If Mr. or Ms. Right came by today, would I let them into my life or would I ask them to wait until I had dealt with personal issues (e.g. like getting a divorce, putting my finances in order, or ending another relationship that I am not sure I want to end)'
c) Do I have the skills to succeed in a relationship' Be honest with yourself and others. Ask yourself these questions: 'How do I make the people closest to me feel' Do I create an environment that draws people to me, or do I make the people around me nervous or uptight' Am I confident in my ability to create a healthy relationship'
d) Am I staying in a relationship with someone who isn't capable of taking our relationship to the next level' Sometimes people stay in dead-end relationships because something is better than nothing. This is a big mistake. Because you are so set on being 'IN' a relationship, you ignore big problems. Look for more information on this subject in an upcoming article.
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e) Do I know how to find and meet new people' If you want to be in a relationship, you are going to have to be a good salesperson. You are marketing yourself. The better you are at marketing yourself, the better chance you have of finding someone with whom you can share the rest of your life. Don't expect God to drop someone in your lap.
Marketing yourself ......