Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 3
It's all about relationships! proclaimed my father during our recent holiday visit with my .....
I bet you said yes. Who doesn't have something in their past they want to put to rest' Then let's talk about what action steps you can take to create the absence of past -- or completion -- in your life.
Below are a series of action steps. You'll want to pick a few and repeat them until you are complete with various people and circumstances from your past.
The time it takes to get to genuine completion will vary from person to person and situation to situation. For some it can come quickly. But sometimes completion happens over time: we may have to forgive, let go, or communicate to people in stages over a period of time.
Here are 10 action steps to put to rest the people and situations from your past. Use these action steps on the list of incompletions you created from last week's article.
1. Write Letters
Write letters to the person or people to whom you feel resentful, hurt, or still attached. Freely say everything you want to say and write as many letters as necessary to feel complete, each time going deeper inside to express your full emotions. Do not send these letters, but instead do something with them that leads you to feel you are getting rid of the feelings. Flush the letters down the toilet, burn them, bury them, etc.
Finally, after all of the hard work you have done completing your past, here is a way to break your relationship pattern.
Relationship .....
2. Tell Your Story
Tell your story over and over to a trusted friend, advisor, or your journal. Make sure neither you nor the person listening edit or judge what you say or write, give advice, or make comments to dispute your feelings. Your job is to communicate and be listened to attentively.
3. Talk to the Right Person
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conversation, make sure not to blame or be rude, but talk about your feelings and the consequences in your life. If you have the opportunity, have as many conversations as you need to get complete.
4. Imagine Talking to the Right Person
If the conversation in Step 3 above is not feasible, have this conversation in your imagination. Give the conversation as much time and undivided attention as you would give a real conversation. This works best as a closed eye meditation/visualization.
5. Role Play
Ask a trusted friend to role-play the incomplete situation with you or imagine being back in the situation. Use this opportunity to say what you wish you had said. Repeat the role play again, but this time have the other person act in a way that would have avoided causing the incompletion. Repeat the process over time until you feel complete.
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6. Reexamine
Reexamine the situation from the vantage point of the present. How did you grow as a result' Was there a hidden gift in going through the experience' What did you learn from the situation' Repeat until you can feel gratitude toward the situation and the other person.
7. Own What Happened
Take responsibility for it and figure out how to prevent a similar situation from happening again. Answer the following questions at length in your journal: How did you contribute to the situation, specifically' What motivated you' What did you ignore or not communicate' How will you respond differently next time at each of the key junctures'
8. Create Completion by Understanding
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